Revised Visitor Policy

Earlier today Kirby’s pain was still not well controlled so she issued the “no visitor” edict.
It is now rescinded. She just wants everyone to know that she is not entertaining. She cannot be her usual caring style.
Don’t expect a lot of conversation from her but it’s a chance for a final, mostly one sided, set of reminiscences. A chance to tell her you love her.
Even when she’s drifting she can hear even though sometimes the output wires are a bit crossed. (She looks good. Great hair do. Nice filled out face, maybe attributable to the steroids. Still has those gorgeous big blue eyes.)
I’ve been telling her the tears are for her, not for us (we want her to think that WE will be ok. She needs not to worry about US). The tears are for the raw deal she got. For her being cheated. For the injustice of this happening to her. And for her pain, discomfort, losses…
We had a really excellent visit from Rabbi Dan who sang a bunch of those favorite, oft-heard Hebrew songs to her. Then JH visited and sang some more. Bring what you can: a song, a story, a hand holding. And we should probably keep most visits shortish: 30 minutes or less.
All of this remains work in progress and subject to change with no notice. It’s new to us all here: we’re amateurs so be patient with us, too.


22 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jenna
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 00:29:48

    I’ve got an excellent activity for us tomorrow afternoon. Let me know if it’s better for me to come earlier in the afternoon.


  2. Deborah Edge
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 02:02:30

    I send my love and support- and from our family as well. Kirby, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


  3. Olya
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 02:11:47

    I’m comin! Just sent you an email asking when is best….


  4. Stacie Hagenbaugh
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 02:55:20

    My name is Stacie Hagenbaugh and I work at Smith. I worked with Kirby during her wonderfully successful Projects for Peace initiative in Ghana, which became a model for future Smith grants submitted through the foundation. We are in the throes of reviewing these grants now and her proposal remains a mainstay for those applying for funding. Kirby’s amazingly vibrant, joyful, and intelligent approach to her work was evident; she was passionate and thoughtful, and her amazing endeavors left an indelible mark on those around her. Kirby, you came to see me two years ago and it meant the world to know you were doing so well, and you were sharing your gifts with all who knew you. I truly wish you and your family the most gentle peace. You are an extraordinary gift to the world. Much love to you. Thank you for all you have given and for the wonderful role model you are for those who dare to follow in your glorious foot steps!!!!


  5. Jean Rhian, Jerry Fairbanks
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 03:02:15

    We are so glad Kirby is home. No one could be surrounded by more love. We’re glad her body as well as her soul will be given tender comforting peace and care. We send love and care to all of you. This is such an incredibly difficult journey.

    Jean and Jerry


  6. Nora P-S
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 03:18:24

    I wish I could come visit. I am glad I came in November. Kirby is a wonder honorary big sister and I am not sure I would have stayed an engineer with out her support. I am sending lots of love.


  7. Amy
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 07:06:19

    Dear Kirby,
    I don’t know what to think or feel or anything upon reading all of the entries your parents have posted today. I wish that I were able to visit you; you’ve been on my mind since the summer. The necklace I bought from you is lost somewhere at home, but I’m going to look for it after I finish typing this message. I’ll be wearing it soon and keeping you in my thoughts.

    I am blessed to have worked with you and become your friend over the course of my episodes at PowerCon. You are an inspiration. I wish you and your family peace through the end and beyond.

    My best and love.


  8. Ilona Klein
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 14:18:04

    Dear Family,

    I’ll be flying in on Saturday as planned unless I hear otherwise. I appreciate your making room for me in “the bubble.”

    Much love,


  9. Katie Sheffield
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 15:35:40

    Hi Kirbs,
    I’m really sorry that we have been out of touch for so long. I honestly don’t know why it’s been so long. I just found out about this whole situation this morning, and it’s been causing me to reflect a lot on all the time we spent together at Smith. I think my favorite memory is when Professor Doughty asked us to write down our favorite all-time albums on the first day of class. We both wrote down Paul Simon’s Graceland, and Professor Doughty was so surprised. He was like, “Do you guys know each other? Are you guys friends?”. That was the first day I realized what good taste you have in music. In fact, I still listen to that mix cd (Minty Fresh’s mix) you made me during our senior year.

    I was also thinking about the night I got the name Minty Fresh, and how crazy things were back at Smith. And then, of course, I remember all our adventures in Scotland, like visiting the Calanais stones, riding the Harry Potter train, and kissing the Blarney stone. I still remember you singing “on the road again” every time we changed buses, trains, ferries, planes and cabs. I’m really glad you were there with me for all those experiences. That was one of the best years.

    Of course there’s a million more things I want to tell you and catch you up on. I am going to go home tonight and write you a long letter and fold some cranes. But I just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know how much I love you, that I am thinking of you, and praying fervently for your speedy recovery.

    xoxo, Minty Fresh


  10. deborah dorazi
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 18:16:29

    Kirby…I have loved you since the moment I held you as a week old infant. I cherish these memories. You were magical even then. I had never wanted to have children but holding you and feeling your love changed my mind forever. I love you for having given the inspiration to be a Mom. Thank you.
    Of course I have loved you as my niece even though we have not seen each other much- the bi-coastal thing. I keep close a picture from New Mexico of you, Judith myself Floey and Ted. We were all so happy. Maybe you were about 10-12 and generously loving then.
    I wish I could hold your hand but can not visit.
    I am and will do every thing I can to help take care of Judith- she will be OK. I do love her you know.
    Deborah Capen Dorazi


  11. gail povar
    Jan 19, 2012 @ 00:18:45

    This is as heartbreaking as it gets– and as heartwarming as it gets. For Kirby, Judith, Robert and Owen– I don’t know any words …. tears, truly, are for everyone. It isn’t, can’t be, fair!
    And at the same time, the posts are rich in love and capability and humor– so very much the way I think of all of this family! My heart is with you.
    Gail Povar


  12. Massey/Matthews Family
    Jan 19, 2012 @ 04:16:05

    Dearest Kirby, Judith, Robert and Owen – Love is all there is. We send our love to each of you, and to all of you together. May this love, plus all the love from everyone else who is sharing this journey with you, surround and envelope you, until there is nothing you can see, hear, breathe or feel, but love.

    We love you always, and in all ways.

    Kim, Dave, Alex & Robbie


  13. Katie Shinberg
    Jan 19, 2012 @ 04:46:54

    I can’t stop crying all of a sudden and I want you to know it’s because I love you. You’re one of those wonderful people, Kirby, and this is the last thing someone like you deserves to happen to them. I wish I could kill it for you, but all I can do is let you know that you’re so cared about and loved. Everyone you meet you’ve touched and no one will ever forget you. Ever.


  14. Rainbow Wong
    Jan 19, 2012 @ 06:06:35

    Hi Kirby,

    As I had mentioned at the very beginning of this blog, you are such a page turning story! I’ve been silent on this blog, but I (almost) religiously follow your blog like a teenage girl about Lindsey Lohan :).
    I sat in your dining room back in October folding cranes with Regina (and my bf) over gin and tonic with Owen and Judith. Although I didn’t get to see you, my heart was warmed — your parents (and Owen) are wonderful. I see where you get your humor, gentle heart, intellect, and everything exclusively”Kirby” from. Thank you for being a morrowite and a big sister to me . I’m heartborken that you’ve had some rough days, but thank you for fighting. You give the best hugs!! and I want a hug from you when you win your fight! I love you and will continue my prayers for you.


  15. Lynn CP
    Jan 19, 2012 @ 16:30:01

    Kirby: you have always been such a constant part of my life ever since we became friends in high school. You have been there for some incredible moments (the first time I ever cooked, my first Hanukkah services in a synagogue), some random moments (networking at Green Drinks stands out), and so many more every day, wonderful moments… I cannot count the number of chick flicks we watched in high school, nor can I count the number of times we ate at Ethiopian restaurants. I always expected there to be more of these memories and now I wish I had managed to spend more time with you during the years you have been in New York.
    And yet, from the objects you have given me (or the jewelry I purchased from you) to the photographs and the memories, you have always been an integral part of my life and always will continue to be. I hope you know how much I continue to cherish our friendship and that even when a long time has passed between seeing you (when you were in Ghana or away at college), I always knew the next time we saw each other, you would be as wonderful a friend as you always have been and we would have some fantastic adventure together. You are an incredible person and it is an honor to know you.


  16. Elizabeth Lewis
    Jan 19, 2012 @ 19:08:59

    Judith and Robert — Starting on Saturday, I will have a bedroom (or two if people are willing to camp out a bit) free for your asking. Add my voice to the chorus of love for you and Kirby.

    Elizabeth Lewis


  17. Dane
    Jan 19, 2012 @ 19:15:07

    Dear Kirby,

    For me, you live in the ASL dinner table. You live in the Kosher K. You live in Hillel meetings and Engineering presentations, and you live in the day you helped me move out of Albright House right after I came back from a performance at Carnegie Hall and couldn’t think about packing. You live in rueful laughs and giggles. You live in a steadfast aversion to drama that inspired all us younglings in Smith Hillel. You live in latkes and seders and Chase-Duckett dining room. Whenever I look, there you are, Kirby.

    I grew up to be a poet. For real. Once, while grating potatoes, you asked me why I wanted to be an English major. I shrugged and said something about poetry choosing me, not the other way around. I was just doing what I was driven to do. You nodded. You said I’d be a great poet if I kept listening to that drive. Every day, I wake up and try to make you right.

    Of all the ASL you taught me, the easiest sign to make is the one for “I love you.”

    ~Dane Kuttler


  18. Diane Sullivan
    Jan 19, 2012 @ 23:34:37

    Dearest Kirby and family,

    You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. We go through life hoping to make a difference, and impact the people around us. You’ve achieved that through your wisdom and wonderful personality, evidenced by the number of people who keep up with this site.

    There are a lot of people pulling for you!!

    With much love,


  19. Nanette
    Jan 20, 2012 @ 14:12:16

    I sit here in the room we made for you. It is filled with little

    things you have made, notes you have written and the bed you have slept in when visiting us for Connecticut getaway weekends. Most importantly, each time Abigail sits on this bed, a part of you is in her. I am so grateful for you. Love, Nanette


  20. Alan Cohen
    Jan 30, 2012 @ 17:53:39

    although I recently met you at a fall Green Team meeting, I really appreciated the energy (pun INTENDED) you brought to our discussions of CFL vs. Incandescents vs. LED lights, and Chanukah plans to display them. And your insights into the obtuse figures in our utility bills for the Temple and the energy audit. It was great to have an expert look at them, someone who can make easy sense of mounds of data. Easy of course because of your experience and knowledge.

    I’ve also admired your earings, etc. in the Micah Gift Shop. I know your parents are proud of your creative creations, as well as your energy conservation work.
    Much love from Alan Cohen, and Estie Dallett.

    PS, I’m Annie Cohen’s dad, and she heard of your blog from Vini at the cove. Annie has been a counselor and dishie with Owen for many years at BCWS.


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